I hope your heart is at peace. But somehow, in the back of my mind , I don’t think you are.
I miss you. I miss us. I miss August. I miss Christmas. I miss your scent. I miss the pics you would send. I miss the goofy half grin. I miss you winking at me from across the room when you thought no one else was looking. I miss hugging you. I feel like I was made for your arms.
I know the steps of grief. I know what I’m experiencing is normal and pain is normal. I just don’t understand why I have to grieve. You said we were your everything and now we are your memories.
And they constantly replay in my head.
You gave up on me. Sure it’s my decision to not talk, but why would I stick around to watch you love her? You promised me you’d never leave my side and you’d always love me. You don’t or this would be killing you like it is me. I think back on a the times I tried to push you away so that you could make a life for yourself and you always said “No! You don’t get it, I need YOU!” And now you’re doing better without me and it hurts.
So many promises broken. So many things you said we would do. You never have me that long stroll through the park.
I’m trying to be positive and let it all go but I always tried to put you first and think of your feelings. You may not see it, but I shielded you from so much pain because that’s what people do when they’re in love.
I really do love you. I’ve never loved so deeply or lost so much of myself In someone. You think I would learn my lesson - four years ago when the lies began. I was destined to be heartbroken. I tried to avoid it several times but now it’s mine and I own it.
I just hope this pain subsides, or I won’t be here much longer. No one should die of a broken heart but without you, that’s what will happen.
No matter what you think nothing was a lie. I loved you, I still love, and I dont want it this way. I want you and the girls and your family in my life! But why does it have to involve intimacy?! We always said it wasnt about the sex, and I for one meant that! It never was! It was about you, about…
Intimacy isn’t always sex Josh.
It’s the holding of your hand. It’s the hugs and the looks across the room. It’s the knowing you love me just by feeling you brush against my skin. It’s the passionate kisses that made me weak in the knees.
The sex is amazing but it’s NEVER been about sex for me.
I miss you. So much.